ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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