I cut my penus on the lid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
