My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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