You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
