So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
