I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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