I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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