dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
