You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Randomize
