if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize