Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
