Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
