you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
