i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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