There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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