I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
