my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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