you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
