Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
