She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
