i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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