he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize