false alarm. still invincible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
