She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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