if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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