I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize