I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I faked an abortion last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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