Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
