DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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