So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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