i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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