I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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