If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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