He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize