I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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