Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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