I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
