All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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