I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
