How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
