i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
