What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Too much gin, very little bucket
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
