On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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