I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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