I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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