Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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