Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
