Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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