It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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