she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
