she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
