That's when you crack a 10am beer
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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