I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
