Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize