overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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