Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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