good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
