can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
