the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
