I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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