someone threw a dead crab at me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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