The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize