Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
