sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
