You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
