If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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