I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
