Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
