And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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