never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
