A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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