it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
