so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't deserve a penis
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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