I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
