I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
