We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
