Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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