He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
