Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
