If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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