i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
