May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
