The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
