the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
