I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
