mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
