I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
