did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
