Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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