We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
