He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize