i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
