After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize