Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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