I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
