Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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