My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
