she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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