actually, I'm a sock model
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and she was petting her beer can
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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