The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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