he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
