$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
