Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
