in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
