Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
